Zen presents us with a very useful question. Over and over again we confront this question in our lives: where is newness and freshness experienced in our lives? What makes the approach of Zen and other contemplative traditions unique in their approach is that they suggest that we need to see both the positive and negative sides of our emotional experience at the same time. Each moment we are losing things we love, and each moment we are presented with fresh, new experiencing. What we have been taught in various social and cultural milieus to fear is really just as much an opportunity.
Optimism means looking at the positive side of this equation. And realism means seeing the loss and the pain of that loss as something that need not be denied. So we can actually do both at the same time, we can fear the pain of loss, and we can relish the excitement of new growth and opportunity. We can do both, without denying the powerful resource of either. This is welcome news as we seek to embody our best version of ourselves this new year.
Very often for me, the places that I experience the truth of this message are while walking in the woods or watching water move in a natural setting. Visiting natural places where I can observe and participate in the natural cycles of the world have an ability to ground and replenish me. This New Year’s Eve, after I dropped my children off at their mother’s house, I went to Washington Oaks and strolled around the grounds. I watched the intracoastal waters flow. I looked at the green leaves of the live oaks and saw the dead leaves of the deciduous trees on the ground. A few pignut hickory trees had golden leaves glowing in the late afternoon light. I reflected on the absence of my daughters with sorrow. I felt a little lonely. And I also reflected on the fact that my grandparents are now gone.
I reflected on my mother and aunt, who are both living with neurodegenerative diseases and living with mighty integrity and zest for life. My daughters and I visited both women this Christmas season, and I appreciated that we are living into a fearless way to be with grief in my family. We are choosing to engage with loss and live into being present to it. Freedom is about seeing where courage is needed and making space for how we feel, in my opinion. What are you feeling this New Year’s Day? Where is freshness grounded in the rich soil of sorrow blooming for you like a lotus out of the mud?
